quarantine/riots/manga DONE

Shocking all of us, I FUCKIN FINISHED Code: Compromised (best name I could come up with). It rounded out at 298 pages, infuriatingly. Haha. It’s not super high quality, overall I’d say though the images are better and more artful and obviously more skilled than when I was 18, realistically the paneling and bubbles are about like they were when I was a teenager.

I think the concept was super solid and the plot was really tightly knit, not trying to do too much, and the development of Micah and Andrew’s relationship was really tender and balanced (even if it oogs my husband out because Andrew’s older than Micah, sorry, I have my kinks, if you can even call “age difference” that…the teacher/student thing maybe, but age is shrugs.)

I go back and forth on whether I want to plunge into a “real” draft of it but I know I’d want to use my computer tablet for that, and having the time to do that seems like a distant dream.

I have to give an invisible blog shout out to All Time Low for their new album Wake Up Sunshine literally being the anthem for this whole story. It was fun to use a really old band’s new work to create my first new work in a really long time. I haven’t figured out how to best document like, I don’t know, the growth of these two since they came around in middle school. I know soon I want to add a page for this story to My Mental Breakdown but that’s another thing I have a hard time imagining squeezing into my stupid adult life.

The weirdest part about this project is that I’m really happy I finished a story but it was almost physically painful how obsessed, compelled I felt to work on this. At times in the last few months I was neglecting not only my child but my husband too and that was…weird. Writing feels like its cost has increased greatly since I was a carefree high school student. And the funny thing is that I don’t even feel “wowed” by this project’s quality, but if I’d put out 298 quality pages I think I’d be dead now.

So, more resolution on this project to come, but in the meantime, IT REALLY IS DONE! wow!

Here’s some art!

One of my favorite lines from ATL – “cause I’m not too far, and you’re my favorite place.”
GLOWY SMOOCHY
Hands down my favorite page in the whole thing, and the upside down bi flag was coincidental; its’ a sunrise too hahaha. IT’S SO CUTE THOUGH GODDAMN

i had my headphones on and my husband just texted me from the living room that i was breathing very heavily, i guess these guys make me pretty hot haha
After musing on the accidental bi flag in the last page I threw this together today. I realized it is actually Pride month. But most people are keeping their mouths shut about it since there’s not going to be a Pride festival right now and the country has been literally up in flames for the last two weeks. So I think they’re realizing their Pride is not…super appropriate in light of Black people being murdered by the police. Yeah, current events in the captions of anime boys hugging!
k so apparently Harry Styles revolutionized the fashion world and like, the song that he was wearing a crop top in is some 70s trash garbage, but I thought Micah would be excited at the opportunity to wear a crop top, so I did this haha.

Lastly I wanted a statement to live on my blog forever about recent events. A lot of white people are having potentially their first encounters with white guilt so Black Lives Matter is currently a very trendy slogan to get behind, in addition to many white people stating for the first time that they’re mad about racism. As someone who went through their teens blissfully unaware of the diversity around them, before stepping into a very whitewashed community for a year, before stepping deliberately back into a diverse neighborhood in South Minneapolis without fully grasping how I was still contributing to systemized racism and also basking in my white privilege, who then read Counseling the Culturally Diverse by David Sue, who then felt super guilty for glamorizing diversity and being a bit exhibitionist about diversity in my art, who has then backed off from pretending like I have a place to speak about or be part of the Black community, who has then come to some sense of peace about things, who has now realized many people did not go through all this…I have done a lot of smh at the white community around me, well-meaning as they are.

Many of my friends, Black and white alike, were in the cities protesting following the murder of a Black man, George Floyd, by a white fucker of a police officer who is now being charged by our amazing Keith Ellison for second and third degree murder. Riots ravaged my nearby city. Shit got destroyed. Uncle Hugo’s was burned to the ground. I was…quiet, withdrawn and depressed, wanting to flee the country as snapshots from apocalyptic games, movies, books flashed in my head, thinking about my innocent albeit white male son growing up in a crumbling country. Since then it seems like there is some really important systemic change that’s beginning to happen, and a lot of organizations, like BLM, have received amazing charity funding that they’ve been scrounging for for ages. And I’m really glad for that. But I know with most traumatic events, the people who weren’t “hurt” by it will move on with their lives. And I wanted to make a statement and a commitment to not forget that I always have and always will support powerful movements like Black Lives Matter. And I am committed to raising my white male child to make this world a better place for his Black brothers and sisters, to know that he has privilege, to encourage him to use it to improve the lives of those who have less privilege than him.

On this blog, Black Lives always have, and always will Matter.

i’m obsessed (but it’s still unnamed)

So suddenly the coding manga I’ve been writing has amassed 156 pages and I’m about 70% done with the story. It feels really amazing but also kind of…weird because, while the story looks actually quite similar in quality to my high school writings, this one really feels like the very compelling rough draft of something I’m going to go back through before long and write in the quality of Dumping a Dragon.

Andrew and Micah THRILL AND DELIGHT ME, I love them as a couple so much. It honestly makes SO much sense and their personalities perfectly complement each other.

The story stays SO MUCH SMALLER than the other manga I’ve attempted to do and feels much more intimate, manageable, and fleshed out because of that. Really the only thing I need to refine during the final version will be the presentation of the Codeys and Scripts but that’ll be easier when I’m not writing the whole thing in a notetaking app haha.

I also made doodle sketches for all the chapters since they’re sorted by chapter in my app so here are those!

I’ve also been absentmindedly doodling them in between chapters whenever I briefly lose my flow, like I used to.

Here’s me and Andy and Micah planning to dye Andrew’s hair since I actually do his hair down in quite a few scenes but it basically ends up looking like my current hair haha.
Aaaaaaaaaand my precious refined baby lovely picture I did last week. It’s featuring lyrics by All Time Low, who I listened to in 9th grade but came out with a new album in April that I stumbled across in Amazon music and fell in love with. And I got to use my shiny brushes in ProCreate. And shiny colorful shading. <3

it still doesn’t have a name

So I can’t believe it somehow got overlooked in my blog – I think initially I was probably  a little embarrassed – but I’ve been kicking around a new idea for a novel/graphic novel for months that finally just kinda, I don’t know, took off on its own. I was really into the idea of writing boyxboy love for the first time after I realized I have trouble writing a functional, blossoming hetero relationship because I’m no longer trying to fill my own void for romance. Plus it felt very appropriate to hook Micah and Andrew up. And Danny made a brief appearance where he then died like usual haha.

Anyway the idea has always felt super solid (started from reading A Sorcery of Thorns btw) and I was just hung up on the visuals, so I was just like who cares and I did something to keep moving and now that I’m entering drama/sexy territory I’m just kind of flying into it. I’m also excited about the idea of writing out the rough draft and figuring out an iPad program or something to refine it once it’s all written down.

As it’s progressing it’s definitely turned out a bit spookier than I expected but like, in a cool way I guess!

this is from like december before I had started trying this project as a graphic novel again. I kept Micah’s blue hair but I gave him a fresher style and I love it, it’s a good contrast to Andrew’s hair which I usually draw down like Howl/Haku now (which unfortunately is the same length as my hair and thus sometimes he just looks like me. Haha. Old problems never go away.)

I have way more doodles and whatnot on my ipad but I just can’t bring myself to blog on my ipad especially since I’ll never ever get an ipad keyboard. I have so many physical keyboards! I cannot abandon my actual PCs even though Ryan bought me airpods yesterday and I haven’t stopped using them since. >.>

a prolific january

not gonna lie, i am posting this in february, but i had it ready for the last month! it’s been busy…

most notably, when i was brainstorming for my last failed writing project, i started mulling over micahxandrew. micah has been likely bi for a while and i decided andrew if not asexual would kind of just try everyone before settling on no one. so i did a kawaii couple photo on my ipad. fuckin love it. happy st patricks day?
ingrid <3
been watching sailor moon with the bb. her design tho
booty n booby
FUCKIN CAT TOWER

the end of a decade

New Years is my favorite. I would say this one looks the most different but I haven’t ever prioritized staying up until “the ball drops” as much as I have always prioritized reflection, which I have spent lots of time doing the last few days.

And today when I was bored at work I put this together!

Enjoy the visual walk down memory lane.

I think it’s definitely a bit easier to put this together since my blog has been up for almost an entire decade haha.

Also here is my visual mantra for 2020.


And some other doods.

2009 | 2019

So these days my husband follows a lot of trendy anime artists on Instagram and he kept mentioning how people were doing the 10 year challenge to finish out the decade.

I do comparison photos a lot but I decided I had so much new art technology I would try my hand at using one of my new devices.

My husband got me an enormous 22in XP-Pen 22E Pro tablet for Christmas and I tried for a while to use that but at the moment the sheer size of it is too overwhelming for me to try a specific drawing on it before I get used to navigating one end of the other, and its 16 hot keys I haven’t really set or gotten familiar with.

So I ended up going to my senior year manga, Farewell Fairytale, and realized immediately I wanted to do this garish drawing of Elodie and Micah. They were my weird mid-20s engaged couple who were weirdly chaste and half their humor was accidentally being intimate even though they were ~*~*~*~*saving themselves for marriage~*~*~*~*~

So after a few attempts to do a half-kiss like usual I realized I wanted to express them as a couple as they WOULD be a “decade” later (of course not really aging them intentionally, and definitely avoiding Micah’s creepy goatee), as I know love and commitment to be now…hanging out in your pajamas, sipping wine in the dark after a long day and making each other laugh in your home, where you’re the most at ease.

I ended up using the iPad because I kept thinking of its glowy brushes and the “street lights” effect that I wanted. The original drawing was used in a website layout with some oldschool Search the City lyrics

Streetlights carry me home tonight

So that kind of inspired the new urban vibe. I got to do a few nods to the original characters. Elodie has a wolf tattoo because of Fyodor. The original drawing is on their phone screen like a Facebook “10 years ago…” and the neon light on their wall is an umbrella since I couldn’t work that ugly thing into the redo, haha.

furious sell-out artings

Okay so on Black Friday this year I convinced my mom to buy me a discounted iPad on Amazon like a true American consumer. But it hasn’t been hugely surprising that I finally seized the opportunity to get one after I hard debated Apple products before deciding on this two-in-one. Also, the allure of adapting to the changing face of digital art was very very strong.

So, without further ado I now present to you my various Apple Pencil ProCreate doodles. Gag, so many mainstream products in that sentence.

I was watching Into the Spider-Verse and was inspired by its offbeat and vibrant colors and also by the bug-eyed commonalities between my husband and son. As usual when I end up being experimental with color I’m REALLY into this. It looks like he’s watching a laser light show in a very brightly lit room.
Doodled my husband last night at work cause I wanted to a sheet of all doodles, and then this was all I drew.
I did some art for my classmate/friend/temp nanny of their cats and I’m super into the bold graphic nature of it even if I forgot to color their faces/noses.
This was in my head since

Ok so this week we’ve had a new nanny working with Ronan and it’s been REALLY emotional not only because I’m PMSing and it’s making me hella anxious, but because the prospect of choosing someone to be in my life and my husband’s life and most importantly my son’s life when I can’t be is INSANELY daunting.

So I set about on the task of depicting the strong protectiveness I felt (when I saw her tumble down the stairs accidentally while holding my child…oof) and then when I left her in my house to take care of my child. It’s not the same soft affection of kissing Ronan’s forehead when he sleeps, it’s fierce, overwhelming, and sometimes accompanied by frustrating helplessness.

This was my first attempt and it didn’t capture my aggressive squeeziness.
This was my second attempt and Ronan looks super cute and I love the lines and the soft colors but it definitely still wasn’t what I was going for.
I like how Ronan looks the least in this one but it finally got the right mood, but I wish I could spend more time on it still. Meaning I probably will.

mama wolf

Another big piece, this came up a bit out of nowhere. One of the ladies I follow on Instagram makes merchandise revolving around tough, alternative mamas. And after my first round of holiday gettogethers with Ronan around, I realized how just, primitively protective I am of my little prince. Between that and the wolf theme of the Instagram mama I follow, I hatched a Wolf Mama drawing of me and Ronan. My husband said the furries of the internet would love me for this. That makes me sad.

Regardless here we are, me with my scars and stretch marks and Ronan with his fingers in his mouth and a handful of my hair as he tends to be these days.

I also got an iPad as an early Christmas present from my parents and have been slowly getting familiar with the all-famous ProCreate. But my caseless, fragile, slippery iPad isn’t quite the baby-friendly mobile drawing station I expected yet, so it’s gotta wait till my case comes this weekend before I can really integrate it into my baby time. Here’s the picture I did first on it. My mom said Ronan’s eyes creep her out but I think that’s a personal problem.

The Pencil definitely has enviable brush stabilizing that I would never want my Wacom to have, so that’s a game changer for incorporating text into my work. ProCreate also very obviously works for graphic and illustration work in a way that Clip Paint Pro doesn’t and I also wouldn’t want it to. So so far my conclusion is that the iPad will work for the style of graphic, marketable work I want it to, but it’s not necessarily the same sketching, brainstorming, feeling, serious illustration platform that I didn’t want it to be. That is, my Wacom and my desktop art station will not become obsolete because of the iPad.