in case you can’t see

I have been completely confused by myself because I have not posted this image since my show last week. I thought I would do it right away. But I had an experience with a viewer at my gallery showing with this piece and its statement that literally rocked my world. It was amazing. I came out with this grandiose idea to produce a piece that was a physical representation of how I feel when I’m tied up in anxiety, and I didn’t want it to be misconstrued, so I made an artist statement describing my experience with anxiety and why I wanted to make it visible for those that don’t experience it.

I think this statement was way more effective than I could have imagined. I wanted to come and blog about it, to rave about the response I got to it, but it was real people who were affected by what I wrote and I want to respect their privacy. Bottom line is…I did it. This was a success.

BACK TO SUN-WALKING!

A few weeks ago I had been in this habit of just reading through Sun-Walking when I was bored, like, for a few hours at a time. And I had been paging through Wind-Running and redoing a few scenes at a time before I suddenly realized I felt totally ready to FINALLY tear that whole middle segment out and REWRITE THE WHOLE THING!

Because that’s my life.

It’s weird though because I never feel more peaceful than when I’m immersed in one of my worlds. I hate how much I like it, haha.

Regardless, I think this draft is going WAY better. It’s all a bit more mature than when I wrote it as a grumpy college kid. And I want to stay true to my original intention with Sun-Walking to finish it again this time around and start sending out some casual queries.

Needless to say I’ve been doodling the shit out of my favorite power couple so here’s a dump.

I finally managed a grayscale of them being adorable! Definitely not the piece I’d had floating around in my head all week, but I’m happy with it. I finally wrote a mushy scene in Wind-Running that I really enjoyed.

Levi and his sarcastic looks gaaaaah.

Aww Lucy’s pastiness got sunburned and Lee’s all like man.

This super video gamey vector image – I frickin love the colors, right?

Just a doodle of Lee, colored, ’cause after that grayscale I was all like … I do know how to get his skintone right, right?

I haven’t even given Lucy this job at the restaurant with Lee yet and I’m not even sure I like it, but this was pretty funny. LEE LOOKS SO CUTE

A sketch from when I was first picking up momentum during this rewrite.

presentable

I juuuust realized that this go around with preparing my art for public consumption is not nearly as traumatizing as all the work I had to put into the Skyline art crawl, for basically some strangers to pretend to be interested in me for a weekend. But it’s still a crazy feeling and always feels like a bit of betrayal against my childlike inner artist who just wants to draw things that make her happy.

Anyway, can’t pass up the opportunity to show some of my more seldom appreciated digital art in a show my wedding photographer is curating. I’m going to install tonight and my stuff does look pretty damn spiffy.

half a lifetime ago

 

I can’t believe it’s been 13 years since Cinnamin died, and since I wrote Nikkei. That’s literally half my lifetime ago. There are a lot of things about my life that have changed but in a big part I’m still very much the same dopey, nostalgic, passionate, artsy little nerd I’ve always been. A part of me though wishes I could be still writing my first-ever graphic novel all over again, and that I could have the lack of self-doubt I’ve developed as an adult. In a lot of ways I think my self-esteem was better then than it is now. But I do think he looks like a total stud. Not a seventeen year old stud, but a total stud.

It does make me happy that he and two other characters from Nikkei were still around to be written in my last story. Maybe not as leads, but they were there. That’s why I know I’m such a nostalgic piece of shit haha.

more things about marriage

What can I say? Mostly all that’s guaranteed to inspire me is my life with my adorable husband. And sometimes when I’m mean to myself I get in trouble.

Getting poked in the sides is a pretty regular occurrence so I’m in the process of turning us into a cute goofy drawing. Just haven’t finished the shading.

Oh and then this experiment from this afternoon.

And then my husband’s entertaining wordplay turned into a little doodle. This is from a few weeks ago though.

marital problems

True recollection of a very true event when we were shopping over the weekend. I was so confused as to why he was pulling on my bun but alas, I was just a prop.

I feel like I’m in a bit of a creative rut lately. I feel like most of what I’ve done has been derivative of previous works and I haven’t really done anything new or worthwhile in a bit. I’ve been rereading Sun-Walking, and it makes me at once sad and nostalgic because like, I just want that again. But how come I can’t make something that’s better? Fart.

Trying to figure out how next to fucking push myself. There’s gotta be something I can do.

aw love and stars and stuff

Julian and Shey at the end of “Through Darkness to the Stars” (or, Per Aspera ad Astra, as I had to list it on My Mental Breakdown because it was too long for one line), aww cute aww. I’m still trying to work on a picture of Shey and the Panic Wolf mid-burn, but the pose is being difficult.

You know I think it’s crazy and a little daunting that like, I finished another writing project and I’m already like SHIT I want something new to work on! … It’s so weird how cyclical my creative life is. But big, slow cycles.

something just like this

 

I’m finally done! I did this before we went on our honeymoon and then when I got back I was swept up in the Panic Wolves story (Shey and the Panic Eaters. Tentatively.) So I’m excited to finally have finished it up. “Ryan” basically looks like Beast Boy from Teen Titans. And “my” eyes still look weird. Soooaooaoaoaoa that’s about all I got on this. Sparkle sparkle floof.

vacation inspiration

Well, well, well! I may not have done a lot of drawing on vacation, but I had an itch to work on a new story and…I DID.

So it all started because of how amazing the frontman of Rise Against is.
Okay but also look how punk adorable me and my cute husband are when we go punk out to punk bands in Canada.
Okay anyway, so basically I was into Rise Against a little bit when Satellite came out, and then when The Black Market came out three years ago I tumbled back down the Rise Against rabbit hole. They happened to be having a show in Canada when we were going to be there on our honeymoon, so while it was Ryan’s third Rise Against concert, I was eagerly going to my first concert of theirs.
Rise Against’s lyrics have gotten deep into me many times, appearing in many of my paintings and popping up on many of my tweets. On Friday, two days before the concert, one of Ryan’s friends suddenly told us on Twitter that their new album came out.
WORLD.
ROCKED.
It was all the political commentary I was ever waiting for and all the gritty realism about relationships I’ve always loved, and then I saw him singing in concert, and I was like, omfg, he’s just wanting to be written, and like, I fangirled a lot, and then he played my favorite song alone onstage with an acoustic guitar. And then I was like, I want him to be one of my characters.

The next day at our hotel I was like I’M GONNA STORY PLOT, and I literally wrote like three lines of brainstorming, one of which was, “themes? mental illness, commitment” and then I branched off mental illness and I was like PANIC ATTACKS, BUT THEY RELEASE LIKE, CHAOS

And then on the plane this morning I started writing about FUCKING JULIAN and suddenly I was like omg I totally know his voice, it’s amazing, and then I was like, jesus, he helps save this girl whose panic attacks cause elemental anomalies, and he totally falls for her, and then MICAH IS ONE OF HIS FORMER CLIENTS, WHO’S LIKE, TAKE ME IN ON YOUR BUSINESS and then aaaah

I don’t know yet if it’ll live outside the airport but I wrote 8 pages single spaced of it while at various very, very, very delayed flights.

So, I’m liking it. Soon, this will call for Julian/Micah/Shian/Paris fanart HEHEHEHE

watercolorsss

As it often happens, I have been doing art, but not very easily postable art. All these watercolors are big 18×24 canvases that neither photograph easily or scan really at all. I pinned a cropped part of the canvases onto my scanner to get them in and there’s still a huage scan line on each of them.

But alas, such is the traditional artist’s life.

Painting 1: Creepy Glowy Eyed Fire Girl

I have very mixed feelings about how this one turned out. On the actual canvas she takes up the bottom quarter and that’s it. But this crop makes it look all her and I don’t really like how the pastels ended up looking on canvas – very grainy. I only did her because the watercolors alone on this one were pretty weak. And I wanted to experiment. But you know, some if not a lot of experiments fail, so this one kind of sits there as a testament to sometimes failing.

Painting 2: Gyroscape

I totally love this one, and it is a testament to a successful experiment. Did a lovely spacetastic wash, and then I was like, WHITE LINES, so I made a spiraly overlay and I was like oookay. This is all neat and tidy. Noice.

Painting 3: the Skylight

This one feels the paintiest. Cause I was in the car with the husband and we were driving into the sunset after a baseball game and I was all oh wow, look at those deep dark clouds over the peachy sunset sky. And I was like hey Honey I have to make a painting when we get home. Then I did.