20 years? and others

I was working on my new layout when I remembered my first picture of Myoku Atem was done in 2002 2003, meaning this year that Micah is 20 years old next year.

[edit] This felt incorrect because IT wAS inCORrect
Micah’s 20 next year so I can save my emotions for next year. I mean, he’s still super old, but not double decades yet.

I got pretty emotional, managed to tell a few teenage clients about him that week, drew a banger of a Micah picture on my splurge of an iPad Pro, and had a hard time moving on.

He’s got the bi flag pin, an Agaar keychain even though he’s technically not in Sun-Walking since I flipped his gender (although, I suppose if I were writing it now, Betsy would probably be trans female), a Squeaky keyring, a vampire keyring, Bartimaeus, a Nikkei patch, and a Millennium Puzzle pin. He’s also got a sharpie sticking out of his pocket because for a while he was a weird sharpie artist in middle school. I did forget to add something from Cadence like I’d planned, but alas.
I have spinning around in my head an idea to get a tattoo of Micah.
I was enjoying the yellow and navy color palette.
Did this during a telehealth session, don’t tell.

Oooookay so, Our Flag Means Death. NGGGHH wow. We watched it on a whim because Rhys Darby is a long time good New Zealand actor from Flight of the Conchords and voice acting in Bob’s Burgers and a werewolf in What We Do in the Shadows so we know and love him. And Taika. Oh Taika. We are very much snoots about Taika as we watched the original WWDitS movie, Hunt for the Wilderpeople, and Jojo Rabbit before he rose to prominence in the admittedly fabulous role he plays in Thor: Ragnarok. We were a little worried he was going the route of Peter Jackson until Our Flag Means Death happened. I at first thought that he was writing too but it turns out he just signed on to play Blackbeard and that’s it.

And oh…dear…god. Never so fast after finishing something have I leapt on my tablet and furiously began making fanart. We literally finished the show two days after the last episodes dropped so there just wasn’t enough on the internet to satiate me yet. But after immediately following Rhys Darby and Taika Waititi on Instagram I realized many people feel the same as I did about it, including the guys themselves. Ryan rates my reaction to this show in my top 2 fangirl moments and possibly I’d say it beat out the moment at the Breaking Benjamin concert when Adam Gontier showed up. I was hoping the moment would happen and IT DID and it was SO SO SWEET

Also the character designs on the show are *chef’s kiss* and there’s a nonbinary actor who portrays a nonbinary pirate after they get found out as AFAB.

Ryan was like “ok those smoldering eyes” and I was like YES THAT’S WHAT DOES IT 😐 😐 *cries*
turned this into a sticker because I wanted one in my stash of redbubble stickers I was waiting to print and there weren’t any from anyone else I liked yet.

pushing

i’ve really been pushing my envelope for at once being comfortable with the quality of work i produce and continuing to try to achieve the style i want.here is some evidence of such.

first lineless airbrushing piece ive been proud enough about to sign haha.
my valentines doodle

chill doodles aplenty

I have had a refreshing turn of art this month, putting less pressure on myself, having more fun, getting more done. Any night I pick up my tablet I seem to be able to turn out three or four portraits of varying levels of completion. They’re not all great, but I’m still excited my productivity is increased.

Watching Steven Universe with Ronan again gets me all celestial. Or, more celestial than usual.
Texture and unusual color choices for me (read: green)
foxy!
art for the full moon
Ever since I watched Arcane I want to layer on pops of color to everything but it never looks as good as I want it to

green magical girl

So when I cleaned out my iPad storage over the summer all my files lost their timestamp and prevented me from getting to do my usual Year in Review for my art. I also took a pretty big break from art during my last few months of school.

I broke my husband’s heart when I told him I was gonna put Big Boobie’d anime girls behind me because they always felt forced. But big sweater felt pretty cute to me.

It felt really uncomfy so since all I really had for confirmed start of the year art was my green haired magical girl, I just redid her.

apparently mint colored hair is ma gical
2020 | end

comforting nostalgia (mostly)

Hi! December has been flying by, and I got really sick which is really stressful. So most of the energy I’ve been putting into art has been into nostalgia, not really breaking any comfort zones or anything.

I just realized I only gave Micah one glowing eyeliner eye which annoys me, but such is the result when you do one offs like this.
The gang visits me for therapy. Danny doesn’t believe in therapy.

So then a few weeks ago I fell down the Nikkei rabbit hole because as soon as I realized Micah was bi I realized NikkeixMicah made WAY more sense than him and Shani. He only ever would have seen Shani as a dorky little sister which is fair because Shani was the most annoying.

nikkei this kind of recklessness is why you die of disease
i had a hard time with Nik’s hair because since I’ve updated Micah’s it’s basically what Niks used to be, so I had to play up the fauxhawk vibe
ok but this would be the cutest part of having a catboyfriend.

All right and then pivot, to prepare for the second long awaited second season of the Witcher, we re watched the first for the third time. And I finally had the speed to grab my iPad during this scene and put out some cuteness of mom and dad Yen and Geralt.

what little hope i have i hold for you

The mood has finally struck. This image came to my head a few days ago when I realized it’s been quite a bit since my last Emotia painting when I realized the last one was before Ronan was born. A lot of milestones have been reached since “I am Growing.” For example, I had a baby haha. But I’ve also had another surgery since then. I also finished grad school. And the love of my life is in one of his hardest periods since I’ve known him right now.

Ryan joked when I was talking about the feather that it was Emily Dickinson, but it is.

“Hope” is the thing with feathers –
That perches in the soul –
And sings the tune without the words –
And never stops – at all –

And sweetest – in the Gale – is heard –
And sore must be the storm –
That could abash the little Bird
That kept so many warm –

I’ve heard it in the chillest land –
And on the strangest Sea –
Yet – never – in Extremity,
It asked a crumb – of me.

Emily Dickinson

I’ve thought about this poem a lot since we analyzed it back in high school because we talked about how delicate and easily crushed it makes hope sound. But I’ve never understood that better than now as it seems my family is in a period where every time a new hope is born it gets blown away in a Gale.

So I’ve had to put it in a cage, and it makes it harder to reach, but it’s still there glowing softly in my chest.

I’m also a therapist now, and it’s been an interesting time to be holding brand new and grown up wounds for my clients in a period when a lot of new wounds have been cut in my family.

The other “interesting” dynamic to everything has been that honestly at least recently, the misfortune hasn’t been strictly my own but that of my loved one so I’ve had to explore to what extent I hold their pain as my own and how to navigate that space while establishing myself as a professional. FINALLY.

I am at my second job since graduating in May but it’s been feeling really good and hopeful at Oak Ridge as a straight-up therapist. Someone said something to Ryan about friends from work for me and I was like ah no, I have neither friends nor enemies at work and it’s great. I show up, work, and go home. And the work is helping people navigate their own labyrinths and that feels great as well. I have some really wonderful clients who have really connected with me.

Anyway, as for the other imagery in the new Emotia, the Ronan tattoo is pretty self explanatory. I wanted to incorporate him in this painting since for Ryan and I both, he’s been a steady source of joy and togetherness. He had some bad Two weeks when he got sick for the first time after starting daycare, but aside from that it’s been a true privilege to watch him grow and learn.

Ah yes, and my leg. After a year and a month I still have nerve damage and regular nerve pain as well as chronic back pain from my herniated disc. Yes the cyst was traumatizing and Ronan’s birth with the C-section were traumatizing but not anywhere near how devastating my back injury was. Not only in its effect on my day to day life, but its lasting impact and to what extent it made me question my own strength and my body’s ability to carry on. The lightning looks pretty dope though huh.

Honestly this Emotia kind of created itself. The idea came about yesterday and I worked on it throughout the day and into today without much hesitation. I’m not sure it’s necessarily quite as refined as some of the otehrs but the symbolism is all there and the art is the quality I wanted it to be.

And with that, here’s all the earlier ones! Most recent to the oldest.

Endure
February 2016