strings of stars

WHAT IS THIS?! Two digital drawings in two days, and I LOVE THEM BOTH?! Who am I?!

My digital drawing experience is so weird because I have to force myself to revert back to the kind of freedom that I had when I was drawing as a teenager. As an adult I have developed such a loud inner critic that ends up being pretty paralyzing. Of this picture it says to me, “Ugh, why do you draw so sketchy? How come you’re so bad with colors? Why haven’t you come up with any new themes for your drawings in ten years?” But the thing is, none of those things are true – and none of them should stop me from marching on the way I want to.

I drew this whole picture at, like 33% zoomed out so that I could draw like I was doing one single picture at a time, like on a clipboard like I’ve always done. And I didn’t hesitate. Not even once. I knew what I wanted to draw every time I drew a line. It’s not insanely detailed, or tidy, but I love it because I can see and feel myself in it. Finally.

I really hope this is a turning of a new leaf for my art. I still like doing my big immaculate paintings, but these drawings are the ones that tug at my heartstrings. And for a while, those heartstrings were very quiet, kicked into a corner in favor of STRIVING, STRIVING, STRIVING! I’m still striving – but this time, I’m striving to nurture myself, and what I love, and who I know I am.

[edit] Ugh okay so this is a totally different direction, but I’m pretty excited to report that this week I got my art permanently affixed to my body. After several years of loving it and knowing it would be a sweet tattoo and wanting to get it, I finally got Brainstorm on my arm.
I spent a few months stalking the tattoo place where I wanted to get it done before finally inquiring after a spontaneous opening they had for the next day, which led to a conversation with their receptionist and eventually my artist, Amo, about getting it done. Watching her work on this tattoo (I did watch, a lot. It was surreal, but fortunately it literally just looked like she was painting me…in an exceedingly painful sort of way) was such a brilliant experience, almost like getting high on the own alterations that were occurring on my body, haha. So for the next few weeks it is my tiny baby which must be nurtured and tended until it stops feeling like a giant patch of sunburn. By the way, when I get goosebumps it hurts like a biiiiiiiitch.