always interrupt me for that

Yesterday after reading about Kamala Khan’s first kiss in the latest issue of Ms. Marvel (announced today IT WILL BE MADE INTO A FILM, WHAT THE EVER LOVING FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU), I was feeling kinda sappy.

And after being too lazy to come upstairs and get on my laptop to peruse my own illustrated kisses of the past, I decided to draw me and my dude. I ended up using and just cleaning up the lineart digitally rather than redoing it, which ultimately is hilarious in that I had talked myself into doing this digitally with the battle cry of, “fuck the rules! I’m gonna make bold messy lineart if I wanna make bold messy lineart!” and then I proceeded to keep the delicate af lineart from the original. Ah, irony.

This pose is a frequent occurrence in my household whether it’s a paintbrush or a Wacom pen. My husband always makes sure to walk by and kiss me no matter how immersed I am in my work.

And to think how important it is that I’ve gotten to the point over 5 years where I *can* get immersed in my work around him.

All this is is, again, so surprising considering I am home after work and expected to be a fat lump on the couch for most of the night.


So recently when I got super cranky about social plans changing on me at the last minute, I decided I wanted to draw a dragon lady. The idea ended up evolving into a full-scale, a bit risque dragon lady digital painting. I worked on it over the course of 4 days or so after I figured out I can make my tablet and my laptop into a dual monitor situation, so I could binge watch Jane the Virgin on my laptop screen while I painted in front of it on my tablet. Hooray for 21st century arting! This was after I also rearranged my whole giant art desk so the left side can be a more or less permanent home for my laptop and tablet now that I have a little Chromebook for everyday computer use.

So without further ado, enjoy my suggestive illustration of a glamorous dragon lady that I kind of want to write a story about.

Still debating whether to do a version where she’s “clothed” so I can post it on Facebook. But I’ve been dragging my feet on finishing this up, so for now, nudie it is. Besides, what reason would a dragon lady need to wear clothes?


tablet time

I got a little touchscreen Chromebook last week in preparation to start grad school this fall, and finally cracked out some “real” a

rt on it today. Weirdly I was inspired by Emily Blunt’s emo grungy look in Sunshine Cleaning. Which is especially fun after just having seen her years later in A Quiet Place (fave movie of 2018 hands down.)

Then one of my former students wanted a drawing so I finally did one for her today of a happy cat eating a sandwich!! Whee.

of nothing at all

Originally a follow-up to a digital attempt to make an image of me and my husband out of the Walk the Moon One Step lyrics, this kind of just morphed into a celestial space adventure painting that’s all purples and washes.

Definitely didn’t notice till I pulled it up on here that I lazily did not line up the right top piece with the rest of the scans but…whatever, not crucial image there.

I love the see through shirt and the depth of the wash down by Ryan’s feet. And I love our faces, they’re so cute. Because my arms looked so pure and shit I didn’t end up adding my tattoos; they probably would have gotten blurry and gross.




The rewrites of Sun-Walking have been going well. ^_^


There are a few awkward places here and there, so far mostly in Wind-Running, where I’m not sure if I should take pieces totally out or rework them entirely still, but Wind-Running is definitely better than it was at its birth.

This was a new addition to a scene in there that I’ve been really stuck on since then today.


I just finished “Daughters of the Storm” by Kim Wilkins and it was the best book I’ve read in ages. Unfortunately, much like the last few books I’ve read except for “The Hazel Wood,” it hit me with a surprise THIS IS THE FIRST IN A SERIES! in about the last 20 pages. I just don’t like being tricked. It wasn’t indicated anywhere on it that it was going to be a series. Most things wrapped up except for two arcs so I was like sweet okay and then it slams me with a “AND NOW IT’S TIME TO DO THIS” and “AND NOW THIS DRAMA” and I’m like ………………….. at what point do I just have to accept that series are a part of fantasy and I need to just read them anyway. Probably at the point when I get a new bookshelf. :/

i saw your face & hands covered in sun

I resolved while talking to some patients a few days ago that I would take some time off from video games to focus on producing art. It helped that on Sunday I got to buy 3 books for my birthday on a trip out with my parents and husband. So all I’ve been doing on my “weekend” is reading, creating, sleeping, and chores. Good times. The only shame is that I’m not into coffee right now. *tear*

Anyway, so Sunday night on my way home from work I got seriously into “Don’t Take the Money” by Bleachers, and as I was sitting at my art desk Monday morning wondering what to draw, I got a vision from the line

Till I saw your face and hands covered in sun and then
I think I understand

and I was like OOH what if I did shafts of sun/shadow on LUCY BECAUSE LIGHT AND STUFF

Needless to say, when I tried the “shafts” part it looked very harsh, bruise-like, and stupid, so it evolved into a more straightfoward light source but with some still fabulous, layered shading and tone transitions. I had her have like this shawl thing draped over one shoulder originally that the more I tried to work with the more I was like -___- I hate, so eventually I was like … this piece is nothing except risk after risk, so I sliced off her whole shoulder and went for some good ol’ fashioned taping a fresh sheet of paper under the rip. I ended up loooving the kind of abstract, sunset shape of her shoulder in the new part.

I find myself very stuck on Sun-Walking. Lucienne feels like my quiet, best friend of a conscience, making me brave and anchored. I put myself to sleep by drifting off into Helios and Agaar. It’s peaceful, it’s centered. It’s a whole world, with a fearsome, loving couple at its helm. I wish I knew what to do with my persistent passion for this project. I keep rereading the manuscript. It’s good. It’s really solid. It’s worth coming back to again and again, and at this point it doesn’t even need any major revisions. So like, at what point do I just gather myself and send off some queries again? I don’t know. The world has become so sacred to me I almost don’t dare to try to push it into the public eye. I don’t want it violated by anyone. At the moment then I suppose I’m just very happy to have Helios and Lucienne to slip away with in the middle of the night, and to be able to continue to draw inspiration from all the themes of the book.

broken like me

lovelytheband’s song doesn’t have anything to do with this painting but it was an easy title.

Sigh, ugh, I don’t know…finally used a painting as an opportunity to express a feeling I’m afraid to talk about. Won’t even here. But yes, this girl is creeeepy aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa fffffffffffffffffff.

Used oil paint. Very goopy. Very hard to scoot.


sing-songy valentines drawings

Yet again, some 4 years later, I somehow ended up accidentally using Lee and Lucy for a Valentine’s drawing. Probably regret Levi’s hat. He’s not a hat kind of guy apparently. Not that it looks bad, it just makes him look so un-Levi-like. I fucking love both their cute little faces. And Lucienne’s glorious thick Tangled-esque braid. Friendly reminder that Lucy and Lee have reminded me of Rapunzel and Flynn ever since I saw the movie in theaters when I was first writing it eight fucking years ago per IMDB.

Used a surface blur this time around to soften the grainy familiarity of colored pencils. And nod to Levi’s “SW” hat.

Hopefully now that I finally put the lyrics from that one song into a drawing I’ll stop being so ridiculous about it.

annual fanart

Omfg, so I have probably put 60+ hours into Assassin’s Creed: Origins so far. It’s basically my dream come true. A third person sneaky bow and arrow parkour game starring a hunky Egyptian climbing pyramids and statues of gods and fighting crocodiles and hyenas. And then the protagonist’s wife Aya is like, oh my god. Their relationship is amazing. Aya is like sworn to the Queen and Bayek is like “hey can we just go hang out and be husband and wife and have sex on boats pls” and she’s like “UGH BAYEK NOT NOW I’M SAVING EGYPT” and he’s like “aw ):” and then Aya’s like hold on honey this Caesar guy doesn’t think a woman should do this and Bayek’s like lololol do it up babe and then tells off Caesar like hey last time a man doubted her she cut him into pieces. Ughhh I can’t handle it. But then I think in the last act I just finished they kinda broke up and I got a lot of feels so, after wanting to make some Bayek fanart, I realized I probably had to make some sad Bayek/Aya fanart (Baya? Ayek? Been working on this painting for 3 days and I still can’t decide on their couple name.)



Can you take a moment and appreciate how much fucking detail I put into their clothesasahaha, it was really hard too because as you progress in the game and upgrade your armor, you’re wearing the same pieces but they go from light leather and jerkin to fucking steel ass steel and gold and shit, so I kept having to decide on what type of armor to put him in and make sure I didn’t change the other pieces to not be from the same upgrade.

Ryan said I should put this up on some of my stores sooo…I’m gonna go do that.


[edit] They. Do. Not.

even though i still feel broken

Pending revisions after I stare at this for a while, I am happy to present my 6th Emotia painting, “even though i still feel broken.”

It’s been about a full year since “i do believe in new beginnings,” and my emotional landscape has gone through a lot this year. I have begun to manage my anxiety symptoms and spent the year on medications that greatly reduced my daily experience with anxiety and almost eliminated all but maybe five panic attacks for all of 2017. I think that’s what the stitch in her head is for. The worst wounds in my brain were kind of fixed, but my feeling of my brain being broken is definitely still there.

I also got the best job I’ve ever had, where every day I put on a smile and bring light, safety, and comfort to kids who are further in that maddening darkness than I’ve ever been. And while it has given me a safe space to talk about how yes, anxiety affects me too, it’s often been undercut by my own feelings of anxiety and insecurity that make it hard for my joy and satisfaction at work to be authentic. I have told many coworkers I become a different person at work, and nobody would believe how socially anxious I am, or how mean or cynical I am, in my real everyday life. So the mask I put on for work is there, and its strings are navy because that’s what I wear to work, disgustingly, haha. I struggled with how I incorporated work because it really has been a huge part of my life this last year, and I really thrived there and got a promotion and everything, but…I don’t know, last summer I told a patient I really liked that believe it or not I get told on a daily basis I’m someone’s favorite tech, but that approval, that validation, just kind of hits a wall in my heart where compliments don’t get through. I know what I’m capable of at work and I know my strengths, but I still suffer from a heavy, overwhelming belief that I am worthless and incompetent. It’s really sad, and it’s the one thing I am setting into 2018 trying to change.

The eyes battle with each other because of a deep and intense anger that I had for most of 2017. It was all because of the blood on my hands, the loss I suffered, the mistake I made, the people I hurt. It was a deep and hollow anger and hurt that I knew all that could be done about is to get through it.

The anger became something of a coldness in me as the year wrapped up. I have snowflakes on my shoulder for two reasons: the holidays were one of the emotionally hardest part of my year, and all my anger and disappointment in myself made me feel cold and numb. Work was awful, and I just really struggled feeling wanted or a sense of belonging. And the frustrating part of that is that there’s no good reason for it. I have not one but two families who have loved and accepted me. But I was wildly PMSing on Christmas and that did a lot of emotional damage to me. So, holiday snowflakes, internal numbness.

The shattered chest is a throwback to my original Emotia drawing, “feelings I don’t want.” I still have feelings I don’t want. I did things I shouldn’t have done this year. But again, a lot of this painting circles back to how poorly I feel about myself. That’s why she’s the first Emotia girl with my body type. Except her tit’s a bit perkier. I did gain weight throughout my first year of marriage, and that’s always just felt like something that is completely out of control and yet is still something I feel extraordinarily guilty for.

Still have my foofy wedding dress on. My relationship has been one of the only things unaffected by my emotional turmoil. Only one of my panic attacks last year was about us. We are growing, we are coming together, we are passionately committed to each other, and being married has just given us something unifying, something that keeps us close and alive and intense, even when everything else in our lives is pretty much routine.

So there it is. Something came up on my Timehop this morning of like a simple drawing of me and Hoshi and I realized once again my impossible art standards for myself are probably a huge part of why I don’t produce as much art as I used to. Can’t just do a doodle. Need to do a fucking 14-hour portrait.

Enjoy Emotia in succession.