Emotional Breakdowns, Redefining Evil, Writing Journey

My Life Made No Sound

If…this is the way this whole experience with RE is going to be…I’m going to be very worn out by the time my book comes out next year.

I knew I would do this because I know myself, but I have literally been working on OMS for three days straight. Ideas for the layout were generated two days ago; the layout was created and encoded yesterday; and today, I wrote up 90% of the content for RE on OMS. I kept trying to pace myself, which would result in five minutes not working on it before I drifted back to working on it without really noticing I’d disobeyed myself.

That’s not to say I’m not happy with the results. I’m finally finished with the bulk of it, which I might regret later this week when I’m home alone during the school day without much of OMS to work on because I did it all over the weekend. That’s not even the point. I’m very happy with the portraits of Ingrid, Lacy, Micah and Danny that I did. I’m happy with the organization of the RE section (broken into four sections: The Beginnings; The Characters; The Manga (incomplete); and The Novel). I’m happy with the way I got the official blurb to look. See – I’m happy with all of it.

However, there’s this…undertone.

I’ve mentioned that not all my feelings regarding RE’s publication are ecstatic ones. I thought that once the secrecy could be cast aside, I’d get to being just plain thrilled with this.
But now I found myself uneasy with how quickly I became absorbed by working on OMS for RE. Granted, I have to keep reminding myself that this has happened every time I’ve given my sites major facelifts. If I plan on significantly changing the content of my website, I don’t stop until I have. Yet given the fact that I’m doing this realizing that I might just reach a broader audience as I start to promote my book, it feels entirely different than just a hobby obsession.
I just don’t want to lose sight of my perspective. I don’t want to get so absorbed by this that I fail to give all the glory back to God. I don’t want to stop hanging out with people because I’m too busy working on things. I don’t want to get this attitude that because I’ll be a published author (u__u;), I’m entitled to (insert otherwise negative activity/emotion/attitude here). I definitely don’t want to let it take priority over school (which I have no way of observing at this point).
Given this wariness, I’m trying to allot proper emotions for everything. I am thrilled that this is happening. I am aware that it only means as much as it means (which is still a lot). I am also excited to go to church in the morning (a mere 7 hours from now). I am looking forward to the semester starting again. Etc., etc., etc.

So it’s interesting. I’m glad I did so much of OMS because then I might have more of a break tomorrow.

I also feel really bad for “Sun-Walking” because I was going so hard on it and then abruptly ceased and changed my focus. Haha. Levi and Lucienne are currently sitting in the middle of a very nasty discussion that I presently don’t even know how to resolve. YAY!

And with this doodle that I did in the midst of trying to watch Spirited Away (which I am still going to turn on now in an attempt to wind down) and complete the portraits for the characters page, I close.


2 thoughts on “My Life Made No Sound”

  1. I love that doodle.

    Also, I really do think things will calm down. The problem, to me, seems more likely to be that you can’t take things slowly if you’re excited about them. But school will do that for you, at least a little bit. And your editor won’t be really looking at RE until the summer. I think you are entitled to this sort of, frantic chaos, and you will feel all the proper emotions in time.

    As for your site, it looks AMAZING. I’m a little sad because you don’t even need me anymore; your self-editing of your art has gotten so good. The kids look like they are ready to impress.

    Just breathe! (And draw some sceery! xDDD)

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